This semester at Uni during the final year of my childrens nursing training, is about nursing in specialist settings. The four weeks we are in Uni this month until we go out on placement for 15 weeks is all about complex needs/special needs/critical care.
To the normal student, this is about learning about disability. About what the parents may go through. On how to deal with these situations. On how to help them best.
For me without a visual escapism, its about getting through the lecture without sobbing loudly. It is about sharing my knowledge, my experiences, your anonymous experiences so that they can perhaps FEEL what it feels like. It is about trying not to visualise my daughter in that cold room. To close my ears when the Lecturer talks about lose of hope or dreams. To try and find a professional branch of my emotional tree when we practice in the skills lab dealing with a child that has passed away and then I see so many of my friend's children in the topics we discuss and I feel blessed to know and to have known so many wonderful children.....that make me smile when I think of them and sometimes sharing a little story about them.
Last week we had life limiting conditions, tThis monday we had last offices. Friday we have dying and bereavement. Next Monday we have end of life dilemmas. Through each day my friends at university hold my hand.
I know that when I am out there I will be able to divert my thoughts from what has been or what may be with B, to the child in front of me. To help those that have gone through what we have gone through - through a waiting game, a devastating diagnosis and the struggles that happen after - emotionally and practically. I know I can help those people. I know I can give some support to those whose child is desperately ill. I have stroked that dying child's hand. I have massaged their feet whilst the other nurses have shyed away. I will be that person who talks to that child who can or cannot hear. I will be that person who hugs the sobbing mum or dad.
Because that is what I would want if it was my child.
and for now, I just need to get through these weeks and visualise that beautiful smile my beautiful girl has.
Day 109
5 years ago
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3 comments:
(((((((((hugs)))))))))) - must be so hard, Carol xxx
That was beautifully written - and I could sense every nano-ounce of feeling in it.
You will be/are a totally fantastic nurse, for all the reasons you've written about. And if it was my child in that situation, I would want somebody like you to be there with them.
xxxxxxx
This post has made me cry, how lucky the nursing communty are for gaining a nurse like you.take comfort in the fact that while it hurts like hell, the good you will do will make you feel so good as it should. xxx
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