End of an era

My daughter's last prom at school, my last few weeks at university.

See this girl here? She started Treloar at age 10.........

and five years later she has blossomed into this and is about to leave to go to their college. From fearful to Head Girl...from cute to beautiful....

I am so very very proud of you B..

Love you always, Mummy xxxxxx

Is it really june

Time flies...
nutshell - no longer charity trustee/volunteer - nada - this is my time. been doing paediatric A&E placement for 10 weeks..loving it...finish next friday, 2 essays due in, one week hols in spain with my uni friends and then 5 weeks in a centre for children with acquired brain injury/special needs. then done...end of july...am done....start job at Kingston Hospital end of Sept..

Beth got into Treloar college after a small blip..starts september..woo hoo..she is doing ok......wedding plans are going fine..its the mid lull at the mo..girly stuff starts soon..hair trial august, wedding dress fitting soonish, boys need to get clobbered up too (get your fingers out boys!)..flowers, hen dos, fun, fun fun....:)

panic attacks have got less frequent...cbt is helping me slowly to see the way through crappy moments and how to deal with stuff that overwhelms..friends are helping too (and to them I want to say love you and thanks).

Nephew had his knee and leg surgery, doing well recovering..continuing to have chemo and doing good.

Lots of good stuff to look forward to, some stuff that will support others through and some stuff we will go through together...

now back to that bloody essay...........

It's a wind up

9 days until I am no longer Chair and Trustee of SK. I never thought winding down would be so hard......

and meanwhile, through CBT, I am trying to undo nearly 39 years of mindset........It isn't easy!My brain says "don't wanna think that way thanks".....but it is going to have to learn to for my own sanity sake. It is like two toddlers fighting over a toy......hopefully they will learn to share in the end.

Sunshine on a rainy day

and on friday I found out I had got a job on Sunshine Ward in Kingston Hospital. The job i wanted. General paeds involving shared care oncology, surgical, acute paeds, ambulatory care and chance to rotate to Children's A&E after six months if i want to...

yay

x

Worries

My little escape from worryland exercise I have been given isn't working very well right now but in case it helps others I will share!

The idea of this exercise is that it brings your mind back to the now. It takes alot of work..It isn't easy but its achievable apparently. One day it will become second nature, I am told.

So when you find your mind wandering down a dark road, start feeling.......not the man next to you (well you can if you want, if it works) but say the chair u are sitting in....feel and concentrate, think about the texture, what do you feel, can you feel the stitching...look around, what do you see, how many colours are there, what stands out. Move on to the next thing in the room/car/area....how different shades are there, what does your top feel like, have a silent conversation with yourself.

If you can sustain it, it can bring you back the now and even for a moment, it can distract you from dangerous or hurtful thoughts.

And whilst you are doing this, say you are in your van with your daughter, and you start to feel the emblem on the centre of your steering wheel where the horn is......your technique is working well, that is until your daughter notices you doing what you are doing and asks who you are about to beep at?!!!! Says alot for my driving doesn't it :)

Shoes......help me choooooooose.....and not jimmy chooooooooooo

I have always hated buying shoes....and now I'm faced with the challenge of choosing a shoe for my wedding.....one that is a) not too high cos Martijn isn't six feet tall b) is going to be comfy and c) isn't going to cost the earth cos as soon as you put the word "wedding" in front mega pounds apply.

I can't decide...i cant find any in the shops that aren't too high or too expensive so resorting to online. Paradox are reputable...found an online shop that is slightly cheaper and takes returns...so lets see what people think....

what do you reckon?

ok small heels.....
BLOOM

FEATHER

















MELLOW

















slightly higher heel - PRIMROSE


















Vote now!

Hope

Monday J has his surgery to replace his knee totally and the part of his tibia infected with tumour (about half his lower leg) with a titanum plate. He has just finished two cycles of chemotherapy and has tolerated it mostly well...today I find out he has sustained some damage to his heart from the chemo so has to be monitored regularly and hope it doesnt get worse. For the medical ones out there, I have deduced its probably the mitral valve in the left ventricle. MRI shows some abnormalities to the tip of the fibula too so it has spread..nodules in the lungs, more than before. Lets hope the chemo zaps them?, the doctors dont seem too concerned about them. Sometimes I wish I had more oncology knowledge..

and then they have said he wont be able to weight bear for 2-6 months as he will be minus a tendon in his knee for a while. There is some confusion on this and mixed messages but as he is so opposed to using a wheelchair, this is going to be a challenge.

its hitting everyone hard....emotions are high...

I hope his surgery goes well and this part of his journey can be started. Am going to visit next week when they are in Stanmore..am lucky I am not so far away that I can..not so easy for everyone else.

Love you J....
and love to my sis, G and C too xx