I don't like mondays

Yesterday was an interesting day. At 9.30 I had my first nursing exam consisting of 2 hours sitting in a church in exam settings - you know the type - no talking, single desks, big clock in front with the second hand seeming to glare. I felt like I was 18 again. The exam was harder than I thought and the person who wrote it was obviously quite fixated with bones and sociology. And no disrespect to anyone but churches make me want to giggle. Its a nervous habit that I have since being a wee lass. I think its the quiet not the place. Well I know it is. I have a lot of respect for those who attend church regularly and get comfort and more from this. Sometimes I wish I was like them. Anyway the exam was hard but I think I should have passed.

Later that day I went to the hospice that B goes to. A lovely place where they really give family centred care. Reason for my visit? To see the counsellor. I saw her for several weeks two years ago when I had a breakdown. She was really helpful in helping me come to terms with my grief over B's disease and some of the feelings I was having. This time, its different and the need stems from something deeper which has been exaggerated for the past few months. A few hurts to heal and feelings to get in control. Sometimes it feels like I am still a child in a grown ups body. I expect we all feel this as we get older. The feelings may mature as you mature but some things don't. And these things I need to address.

Then my last event of the day was to have a steroid injection in my elbow to try and heal my tennis elbow which I have had since December and many weeks of seeing the osteopath has not fixed it. IT HURT! but only for a minute. I tried to watch because giving injections is part of my training but boy it was hard and I admit, I was a wuss. I felt faint.

Then I drank a bottle of wine - to celebrate my exam being over, to commiserate for my mixed up feelings and to reward myself for being brave!

Yes, I am currently ignoring the food intolerance test results that say I am VERY intolerant to brewer's yeast. Ignorance is bliss. It's true.