You are the wind beneath my wings

I saw Beth today. She had a paediatrician appointment at our local hospital so I drove down to school to get her. It was just the therapy I needed. She was in the dining room so I walked up and plonked myself next to her and said Hi...lovely great big smile back at me...I don't really need anything more than that. I am aware I can sound quite morose sometimes and I don't mean to be but I think its important I let my feelings out otherwise I will just curl up and cry all the time.

I look at her face and I sometimes can't believe this beautiful girl is mine. And then I want to cry for the injustice of it all as she drools or her eyes roll back. Appearances are not what I mean here. Those things don't make me sad. Its what is causing them that does. I want to grab her curling hands and pull them straight. I want to get a flock of birds to pick up her shoulders by their beaks and pull her upper body up straight. I want to use glue to make her eyes stay where they should. I want to banish those nasty headaches. Most of all I want to shout about how much I love her and I just want it all to stay still for her.

She has understanding of much but so little too. Sometimes her thoughts are for things that are just important for that moment.

Some people would think it rude that the first thing she said to me (after giving me a big smile) was "mummy, my phone needs topping up". That is the most important thing to her right then. Nothing else. No bad brain or nervous system. No doctors prodding. Not the fact she is in a wheelchair..

Just the fact her phone is running out of credit........that's my girl