Reality

is when someone gives you some medicine that should be used in emergency, to stop your child from fitting for a continued period and before her brain ceases not able to compensate due to the mismatch of activity caused by the seizures. When the nurse tells you to phone an ambulance the first time you give it...."just in case"..... I am fortunate to know lots of people who give this to their child regularly, who can reassure me that its ok to give, that its ok to call the men in green etc etc....but it still feels yucky to know that we are at this point that it may need to be given.

Yesterday she had at least six seizures in a 3 hour period. The most I have ever seen. The past few weeks there are increasing? Why? Because we have moved her from one epilepsy medication to another? perhaps, or maybe her threshold is being breached again due to the time of year. Who knows..

What I do know is I am really scared now and couldnt sleep for fear of what this increase in episodes could lead to....With all the stuff we had to deal with in beths life, this is the one that scares me the most.

I have stopped writing my feelings down so much the past few months for a particular reason but this week has been really traumatic with this and a friend in need that I need to be able to open up somewhere.